In the July 2006 issue of GQ, there was an article called, “The Legend of the Dirty Sanchez” where they planned on uncovering the legend of this and other mysterious sexual acts (which no one has performed).
Well, at CrunkRockRadio.com, we decided that if GQ magazine can republish these acts, so can we. But we’re gonna take it a step further by publishing some originals. Since most of the originals are more along the lines of...things that man might do to women (and more demeaning or violent to women). We figure that we’d try to make some up that are more of a rip on men (to even things out). We hope they provide just as many laughs (and we are very wary of the shoes we would need to fill to make them just as funny).
While ours are coming soon, here are most of the originals…please note that some were a bit too lame for us to publish (and we’d credit whomever made them up if we knew who…there is a legend of the original authors
here):
Angry Dragon:
Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
Blumpkin:
She sucks you off while you take a shit.
Bucking Bronco:
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.
Cleveland Steamer:
The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Donkey Punch:
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the
back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
Hot/Cold Lunch:
Shit in her mouth (hot) while her mouth is near your anus / vomit directly onto her head while she's performing fellatio.
Golden Shower:
Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports) .
Wile E. Coyote:
This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Dirty Sanchez:
A time-honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
Dog in a Bathtub:
This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Donkey Punch:
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Dutch Oven:
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).
Flying Camel:
As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.
Pearl Necklace:
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.
Rear Admiral:
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watching her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Relative Humidity:
That first drop of sweat that rolls off your balls and down the crack of your sister's ass while you fuck her.
Sandbag:
Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well-known cliché of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
Shocker:
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)
Snowball:
Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.
Tea Bag:
To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kinda fucked up yoga exercise.
Tossing Salad:
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (i.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.) I'm never going to prison.
Western Grip:
Either you or her reverses the direction of your thumb while giving a hand job.
Purple Mushroom:
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
Fishhook:
A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
The Ram:
Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
The Woody Woodpecker:
When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
The Fountain of You:
While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).
New York Style Taco:
Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you puke on her box. Happy trails.
The Fish Eye:
From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
Tuna Melt:
You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Fur Ball:
You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
The ChiliDog:
You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
Gaylord Perry:
Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
Glass Bottom Boat:
Putting saran wrap over your partners face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
Snowmobile:
Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
