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beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize w hen obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.

why are all the trees in georgia leaning towards us?

cause we suck...

sorry we've not posted anything in a while...stay tuned for some cool stuff.

actually, the real scoop is that all the trees in georgia lean to the west.
cause alabama sucks !!!

no...forget that joke...all the trees in georgia lean towards your mama...
cause...we'll...you can figure it out.

We wish we knew who did this so we could give them credit...
- CRR

=======================
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Atlanta market:

"Alpharetta Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Phipps Plaza. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.



"East Cobb Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.




"Carrollton Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) .unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.



"Buckhead Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.



"Dawsonville Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.



"Midtown Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.



"Douglasville Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Dawsonville Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



"Decatur Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Agnes Scott Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.



"Bankhead Highway Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.



"Duluth Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.



"Juniper Street Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

the girl from mississippi

A girl from Mississippi and a girl from California were seated side by side on an airplane.

The girl from Mississippi, being friendly and all said,
"So where y'all from?"

The California girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Mississippi sat quietly for a few moments and then replied,
"So,where y'all from, bitch?"

santa's workin' hard...

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

little red riding hood...

little red riding hood was walking thru the forest when the big bad wolf hopped out from behind a tree. he says, "bend over little red...i am gonna fuck you up the ass." little red turns to the wolf and says, "nuh uh, you are not...you're gonna eat me just like you're supposed to."

warning on beer

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

difficult statements while drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Sorry I'm being such a jackass

hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes
and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak &
fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay,
but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing
around the fruity pancake from the 3:00am Waffle House excursion. There
is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to
drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3
iced teas and a diet Coke -- yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly
or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of
your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while
riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even
your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of
about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of
everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually
annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping
out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust
in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to
get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability
to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the
foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this
morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge
of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in The sole
purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all
over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....

yo mama...

Yo mama so fat...she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo mama so stupid...she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so ugly...even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama so old...she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama so nasty...that she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
Yo mama so poor...her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

the cowboy and the lesbian

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

redneck love poem

Susie lee done fell in love,
She planned to marry joe,
She was so happy 'bout it all,
She told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, "susie gal,
You'll have to find another,
I'd just as soon your ma don't know,
But joe is your half brother!"

So susie put aside her joe,
And planned to marry will,
But after telling pappy this,
He said, "there's trouble still.

You can't marry will, my gal,
And please don't tell your mother,
But will and joe, and several mo',
I know is your half brother!"

But mama knew and said, "my child,
Just do what makes you happy,
Marry will or marry joe,
You ain't no kin to pappy!"

the redneck and the gorilla

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was
approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the
gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept
their offer, but only under four conditions.

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern
Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

4. And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to come up with the
$500.00."

words that you can use instead of "jerkin off"

hmmm...some of these are much more appropriate for certain situations...but honestly, who came up with this shit?

- doing the five knuckle shuffle
- floggin' the bishop
- chokin' the chicken
- tenderizing the tube steak
- caulkin your belly
- wacking the one-eyed trouser snake
- pounding pud
- strokin' the scrotum pole
- smackin' around the old meat bag
- doing the wife's work
- spanking the monkey
- whipping the goo goblin
- playin' the bag pipe
- crankin' one off
- watering the twig and giggle berries
- doing hard time in the hand slammer
- waxin' the weasle
- punchin the munchkin
- playing tug-o-war with mr. stiffy
- hand-to-gland combat
- shakin' hands with the governor
- milking the butter utter
- goin' fishin' for your trouser trout
- dueling the pork sword
- polishing the rocket
- screwing patty palmer
- trainin' the purple headed warrior
- playin' the one string banjo
- asking five voters to take a pole
- menage-a-un
- celebrating palm sunday
- thumping the stump
- strokin' the smoke stack
- makin' the leprauchan give up his gold
- whippin' up a batch of pants pudding
- having a close encounter of the first kind
- launchin' some swimmers
- rubbin' one out
- gaggine the one-eyed gopher
- waxin' the buick
- giving the one gun salute
- fist pumpin' the piss pump
- makin' a tadpole milkshake
- cleanin' out the pipes
- slappin' pappy
- spit shinin' your wing tip
- rolling bologna
- hand startin' the one-eyed yogurt thrower
- givin' flipper a back rub
- shaking hands with mr. happy
- launching the heat-seeking moisture missle
- whippin up some baby batter
- puttin some mayo on the knuckle sandwich
- chumin' butter
- tugging the tapioca tube
- makin' crotch custard
- waxing the carrot

you know you're a jedi pimp...

We came up with this list...kinda in the same vein of the "you know you're a redneck if..." and "you know you're a jedi redneck if..." jokes. Anyone know more jedi pimp jokes?...we'd love to get a link. It would be a huge suprise that these are originals but we googled around and couldn't find any...whether they are or not, we hope you enjoy!

oh no, how could we forget our favorite?

Crap. Somehow we forgot our favorite...th o.g. sex position. How could we forget? We're sorry...

Arabian Goggles:
Place one's testicals over the eye sockets of your partner. Variations include having your anus on their nose or on their forehead. As well, you can either have your dick on top of their head or in their mouth (think for a second, you'll picture it...if you're still struggling, hopefully this picture will help).

if GQ can republish the dirty sanchez, so can we !!!

In the July 2006 issue of GQ, there was an article called, “The Legend of the Dirty Sanchez” where they planned on uncovering the legend of this and other mysterious sexual acts (which no one has performed).

Well, at CrunkRockRadio.com, we decided that if GQ magazine can republish these acts, so can we. But we’re gonna take it a step further by publishing some originals. Since most of the originals are more along the lines of...things that man might do to women (and more demeaning or violent to women). We figure that we’d try to make some up that are more of a rip on men (to even things out). We hope they provide just as many laughs (and we are very wary of the shoes we would need to fill to make them just as funny).

While ours are coming soon, here are most of the originals…please note that some were a bit too lame for us to publish (and we’d credit whomever made them up if we knew who…there is a legend of the original authors here):

Angry Dragon:
Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

Blumpkin:
She sucks you off while you take a shit.

Bucking Bronco:
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.

Cleveland Steamer:
The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.

Donkey Punch:
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the
back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.

Hot/Cold Lunch:
Shit in her mouth (hot) while her mouth is near your anus / vomit directly onto her head while she's performing fellatio.

Golden Shower:
Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports) .

Wile E. Coyote:
This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

Dirty Sanchez:
A time-honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.

Dog in a Bathtub:
This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

Donkey Punch:
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.

Dutch Oven:
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).

Flying Camel:
As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.

Pearl Necklace:
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.

Rear Admiral:
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watching her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.

Relative Humidity:
That first drop of sweat that rolls off your balls and down the crack of your sister's ass while you fuck her.

Sandbag:
Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well-known cliché of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.

Shocker:
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)

Snowball:
Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.

Tea Bag:
To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kinda fucked up yoga exercise.

Tossing Salad:
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (i.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.) I'm never going to prison.

Western Grip:
Either you or her reverses the direction of your thumb while giving a hand job.

Purple Mushroom:
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.

Fishhook:
A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.

The Ram:
Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.

The Woody Woodpecker:
When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap the head of your cock on her forehead.

The Fountain of You:
While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).

New York Style Taco:
Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you puke on her box. Happy trails.

The Fish Eye:
From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.

Tuna Melt:
You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.

Fur Ball:
You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.

The ChiliDog:
You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.

Gaylord Perry:
Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).

Glass Bottom Boat:
Putting saran wrap over your partners face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.

Snowmobile:
Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.

the chinese 69

What do you call a "69" in chinese?

tewcanchoo

the german engineered bra

What do you call a bra which was engineered in Germany?

Shtopemflappin

if you've never had a pimp name

you need to go get one here.

the dinosaur lesbian

Q: What do you call a dinosaur lesbian?

A: Lickalottapus